Lord, We Are Dying Here!

Anyone who has ever been afraid knows that fear is a powerful motivator. At the same time, we have to admit that when Jesus confronts the fears of those to whom and with whom he ministers, he always seems to have a reaction that at least borders on disappointment. "Fear is useless," Jesus is heard to say to the couple whose daughter has died. "Why are you so afraid," he questions his apostles.

I admit that I have known fear in my life. When the I heard the first diagnosis of Meniere's Disease, when the gastroenterologist told me that the polyp he had removed was cancerous, when I woke up one morning and could not hear the noise of water running in the basin, I was afraid. These fears were not the same as the first time I took a driving test or as I sat for my college comprehensive exam. The "medical" fears I have known are all related to my mortality. Such fears are part of being human. Yet Jesus seems to intimate that such fears are useless. Faith confirms it.

When the apostles wake Jesus up to tell him that they are going to die unless he does something, I have come to hear my own prayers in their words. Indeed, while we might focus our attention on the fear that they are feeling, I would rather focus on what they did about their fears. They woke Jesus up. They made their fears known. They openly admitted that they were afraid. Not very macho of them! However, I believe that this is exactly what Jesus wants of us. The first step in working through our fears is to admit that we are afraid. If we deny our fears, they will continue to lurk in the dark recesses of our minds waiting for an opportunity to harass us again. In one of my favorite psalms, one to which I turn almost daily, I join the psalmist and say: I sought the LORD, and he answered me, delivered me from all my fears. Look to him and be radiant, and your faces may not blush for shame. This poor one cried out and the LORD heard, and from all his distress he saved him. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he saves them. (Psalm 34:5-8) In the words of my beloved spiritual director, "God can't save you from the fears until you tell God you are afraid."

I want to thank the apostles for showing me the way.

Fr. Lawrence Jagdfeld, O.F.M., Administrator